August 7, 2026
Hi Reader
I love golf. I have been working very hard to improve my game, and recently it all started to backfire. No matter what I did, when I got off the course my scores were rising. I'd three-putt numerous holes. I couldn't get out of a bunker in one shot. My drives went out of bounds. What was happening? I was trying so hard!
Then a friend gently sent me a text — "Don't be so hard on yourself." What a simple phrase. What good advice, in so many ways.
Is there something you have been working on to improve? With aging and retirement, there are so many things that might take a little more effort and time.
The Trying-Too-Hard Trap
Here's the strange thing about effort: past a certain point, more of it makes things worse, not better. My golf swing tightened up. My grip got white-knuckled. I was so focused on not messing up that I forgot how to just play.
Maybe for you it's not a sport. Maybe it's trying to fit into a certain group, trying to be the person you think others want you to be. Here's the thing — people actually like you more when you're genuine than when you're trying to be something, or someone, you're not.
Why We Get Harder on Ourselves After 60
There's a case to be made that this tendency gets stronger with age, not weaker. We've had decades of practice noticing our shortfalls. We remember what we used to be able to do — swing a club, remember a name, climb a flight of stairs — and we measure today against yesterday instead of against today. Retirement can make this worse, oddly: with more time to notice how something's going, there's more time to judge it. Like why am I more tired some days?
Self-compassion researchers make a useful distinction here: the goal isn't to lower your standards, it's to change how you talk to yourself when you miss them. Treating yourself the way you'd treat a good friend who shanked a drive — with a shrug and encouragement, not a lecture — tends to produce better results than harsh self-correction does. Ease, not judgment, is what lets the next attempt go well.
What Softening Actually Looks Like
So I started to ease up a little. Not be so hard on myself. Relax and enjoy the beauty of being outdoors on an amazing course. Just relaxing allowed my drives to go straighter. Loosening my grip during putts allowed me to make more one- and two-putts. Not caring quite so much turned out to be a good thing. I had the skills all along — I was just too tense to use them.
A Question for You
Where in your life right now are you gripping too tight? What would it look like this week to loosen up a little — on the golf swing, the garden, a hard conversation, yourself — and just let your skills do what they already know how to do?
I'd love to hear what you're working on. Hit reply and tell me.
Here's to swinging a little looser this week.
Warmly, Wendy
Quote of the Week
"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." — Carl Rogers
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Rival Whey Chocolate Protein — This is my breakfast, most days
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Stars and Honey Bars — My go-to snack, one a day. I’ve tried A LOT of protein bars over the years, and most taste like cardboard. These are the exception — 16-20g of protein and they actually taste great.
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Have a wonderful week.
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